Axel's Second Diary
by Kingdom's Sentiment
Summary: Axel (And I, Cloud In A Moogle Suit) is back and writing in his second diary that he bought, three years later, and a lot has changed. He writes down crazy things that happen in his adventures and anything interesting... Dare to find out all of this diary's secrets?
1. Chapter 1:Three Years Later

(Disclaimer, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters blah blah, legal shit, blah blah. I own Mr. Yen)

Chapter One: Three Years Later…

Dear Diary, It has been three whole YEARS since I last wrote in you. Roxas is still sad after Xion recently left so today I decided to cheer him up. I took him down to mister Yen's store to help out. "Yo Yen, It's me, Axel. Hello?"

"Hello there Mr. Axel. What brings you to my store THREE YEARS LATER?! HUH!? MY BUSINESS HAS GONE DOWN SLOWLY SINCE YOU STOPPED SHOPPING HERE AND BUYING THINGS IN BULK. TELL ME!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down old timer. Roxas over here is a little upset and… well… you know what I came here to buy." I said mysteriously.

"Really? You're gonna buy another fuckin' 14 of those damn notebooks?"

"WELL MAYBE I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS, WE CAN GROW HEARTS YA KNOW- Ahem. Excuse me. No, no notebooks for me sir. I came to buy… the-" *I mumble something quietly under my breath*

"Oh, my. Well I have just the right product. Here." The old man hands me a bottle of pills.

"Molly? Really? Mr. Yen we talked about this. You know pick-ups are only on Fridays-"

"NO FOOL. It's G.L.O.P. It stands for Glitter Loving Ovulation Pills."

"…"I stare at mister Yen so confused that one of my eyes goes lazy. "Umm. Okay thanks. Oh, also, do you have any industrial hairspray? I'm runnin' low."

"FUCK WE NEED MORE WATER! Oh, hey Axel" Xemnas shouts.

"Yes, our latest shipment is: SUMMER BRISK" Mr. Yen says.

"Cool thanks. Here's 2500 Munny for your troubles. See ya." Me and Roxas leave the store and head to the clock tower.

"So… what's in the bottle?" Roxas asked.

"The gateway to sweet dreams and lots and lots of alcohol" I say. "Now let's go, I want you to try some of this. Apparently it's the REALLY strong kind. One time, I took this thing called KnickerSpitz… let's just say, Jesus Christ will rise again." We use a corridor of darkness to get to the top of the tower. "Okay, sit."

"Um, Axel… listen. I'm a little upset still, this is true. But I'm fine. I'm getting over it pretty quickly, and I don't need drugs."

"Yeah, well, that's all bullshit. Now pop one. Do it… pussy."

"What did you call me?"  
>"A pussy. Pussy cat. You want some milk?"<p>

"LISTEN HERE AXEL. MILK ACTUALLY MAKES CATS SICK. AND I'M NOT A PUSSY. GIMME THAT SHEEIITT." Roxas knocks back the ENTIRE bottle.

"DUDE NO! You can't take the entire bottle… without water! Here take this." I hand him some water and he swallows all the pills. "Oh, by the way it's called G.L.O.P. Glitter Loving Ovulation Pills."

"Wait what."

(A/N: So I'm back guys. Finally. THREE FUCKING YEARS DUDE. THREE YEARS. I know I didn't really post anything before, and I only had one crappy kingdom hearts story. What do you think of the new and improved Axel's diary? Don't like it? TOO BAD. There's more to come. I've had soooo many story ideas and stories that I've written that I wanted to publish. There is one main non one-shot story that I've been working on that I'm so super excited to release. It was kind of a dead project… until now. Wait for… the Stora.)


	2. Chapter 2:GLOP

Chapter Two: G.L.O.P. Sweet Dreams And Lots Of Alcohol

"YOU GAVE ME EXTREME FUCKING ESTROGEN PILLS!?" Roxas yelled at me.

"Okay, so maybe the main ingredient is a dangerous overload of estrogen tolerable only to 16 year old scene girls and Larxene, BUT, it's other plethora of ingredients include baking soda, bath salts, red dye #4, yellow dye #2, SUPADUPAMEGADETH, nipple sauce, H2O, paint fumes, petrified cholesterol, natural heart blockage, and antioxidants. Oh, and those cute lil' Flintstone gummies that taste like hot dog vurp. See? Nothing too serious bro."

"Nothing too serious? Dude. NATURAL HEART BLOCKAGE?"

"At least you won't have to worry about that one."

"…You are such an asshole beyond belief dude. Beyond, fucking belief."

"Yeah, whatever. So, how do you feel now?" I ask. He stumbles a little and says:

"Hehehe, pretty good. WWHOOAAA. I didn't know that Unicorns could vomit like that. Unicorns are a type of horse aren't they? And horses can't vomit… so then why? WHY!?" Okay, so I'll admit. It wasn't smart for him to down it all at once. In fact we shouldn't have even gotten it in the first place, but Oh well.

6 Hours Later. 7:35. Dear Diary,

Roxas stopped seeing weird shit and finished vomiting. Poor guy. He ovulated out of his lungs. OUT OF HIS LUNGS. HE'S A MAN. I thought it wasn't possible, but it is. I am now currently listening to Demyx's pre-concert run through of some songs he wrote.

Yeah he puts on a little sitar solo show and before he presents it to everyone, he comes to me to tune, and get my advice on stuff, and to judge his playing. He's actually pretty good. His progress is coming along nicely. Speaking of progress, Xemnas is making us be more "Unified" and "Cooperative" and "Coordinated" and "Creative" and a bunch of other over complicated C words that I can't get memorized, by making us do a monthly talent show to present our "talents" to one another. I think it's kinda useless, but Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas seem to think it's pretty cool. I might just go up and whip shit with my chakrams, who knows.

The Next Day, 12:05. Dear Diary,

Tonight's the pre-talent show party. THIS is the only good thing about this whole ordeal, and I mean REALLY good. We throw kick ass parties. We finna get CRUNK! Dude you don't understand. I hope no one finds or sees this but, even though I'm not really into Larxene… she IS the only girl in our Organization, and when you party with Larxene… you PARTY with Larxene. ;) It's going to be AMAZING. Booz, music, and awesomeness. And fire. I like fire. I'll try to update my diary while I'm there, maybe in the bathroom or something. Well, party starts promptly at 8:00. See you there.

8 hours later, 8:05. Dear Diary,

I arrived and immediately ran to the men's restroom. So, party is bangin' and I'm gonna get sooooooo fucked up toniiigggghht. Turn up everybod- Oh shit. Some ones coming in. They called for me in the stalls. Gotta go. Bye


	3. Chapter 3: Wasted Talent

Chapter Three: Wasted Talent

Dear Diary,

Turns out it was Demyx asking for my advice if he should go on with the show, and I said sure, but he keeps second guessing himself. Weirdo. Anyway, I just had a flaming and three jello shots, and boy can I feel that buzz.

Seems like everyone is having a great time dancing and partying and what-not. I'm trying to have as many drinks as possible, not because superior doesn't really let us, or because I want a rad hangover, but because Roxas said I can't get drunk and fall off the clock tower again. But that doesn't matter tonight.

"HEY AXEL! I SEE YOU'RE REALLY GETTING YOUR PARTY ON AREN'T YOU?!" Xigbar shouted.

"Uh, yeah bro. But you should stop shouting. The music isn't THAT loud and I'm like two feet away" I reply.

"NO, IT'S OKAY! I'M DRUNK!" He stumbles away slowly. What a nut. I turn around to see Roxas over in the corner by himself.

"Hey buddy, what's wrong?" I exclaim.

"Well, I can't really drink, and I'm so short, and there's loud music, and stuff like that. It's just kinda hard to fit in ya know? Plus, I wasn't really much of a partier in the first place anyway" he said in a downer kind of tone.

"Aw, cheer up kiddo, you'll get used to it. Have fun, get loose. Just look at Xigbar over there."

"WOOOOOOHH! ESPORTS MEGAHAX 4/20 GET BLAZED! WOOOOOOOOOH!HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!"

"Oh yeah. I want to be like that" Roxas says sarcastically. He does have a point.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey I have an Idea. Watch this. Larxene, lap dance, stat!" I signal for her to come over as I pat Roxas' lap implying for her to sit there.

"Um, Axel what are you-"

"TRUST me. It'll be fine. Get ready for the best moment of your life. My little boy is becoming a man. They grow up so fast… well, see ya."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN. PLEASE COME BACK!" Roxas shouts. Larxene straddles him and gives him an evil, menacing look.

"Hey Roxy… why don't I sit down and we can talk about the first thing that _pops_ up" Larxene says while making a devilish grin.

"AAXXXEEEEELLLL!" Roxas screamed. I see her go to work and Roxas blushing like crazy. Perverted idiot. I turn and walk away hearing high pitched squeals and grunts every few seconds. He'll be okay right? I just hope she lets him keep his dick when she's done. I see Marluxia over in the corner blabbing on and on to Vexen about something. Obviously he doesn't give two shits 'cause he's too busy calculating numbers and mumbling to himself. I walk around the party room and watch as everyone has fun. It's surprising how one little party can bring all of us so close together. OH NO. Xigbar has drugs I better go stop him.

"HEY AXEL! IF YOU WANTED SOME YOU JUST COULD'VE ASKED YA KNOW! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE THE WHOLE BOTTLE DUDE!" Xigbar shouted.

"I don't want any and you shouldn't have any" I say as I toss it out the window and into the dark abyss of nothingness. I walk away to check back on Roxas. He seemed to be twitching and jolting as if he got shocked. Larxene lies next to him on the floor. "So, how'd it go?"

"Let's just say my performance was… shocking" Larxene remarked with a smile. She got up and kissed Roxas lightly on the cheek before skipping away and giggling like a fucking psycho.

"I… I…" Roxas choked out. He was making weird little noises. "MWEH"

"Calm down dude."

"BUT… BUT… BUT… BUT SHE, AND YOU… AND I… MWEH!" Roxas started crying.

"There there pal. It's okay. Don't cry buddy, it was only one potentially life ruining lap dance." I pat him on the back and walk away as fast as possible.

Soon after, the party ended and everyone went back to their rooms either drunk and fucked up or crying… or both.

The Next Day, 2:07. Dear Diary,

The talent show is starting and I have no idea what I'm going to do. Xemnas says we are going in chronological order, so I go eighth. At least it gives me time to think. Xemnas walks onto the stage and clears his throat. "Ahem. Hello fellow members, and welcome to our third bi-monthly talent show! We hope you enjoy, and please, no flash photography. Alright! First up is number I, me! Today I will be performing for you a poem I have written. It's called, _Darkness' True Beauty_. _What is the hearts true essence? Are we born to shroud in darkness? Or to delve into light? Is there a clear path for any of us? Do we exist? Or are we a mere empty shell? A dusk to blow away in the wind… _Thank you" Xemnas finishes. To be honest it was kinda freaky the way he read it. "Alright. Next up, number II, Xigbar!" Oh god.

"HEY HEY HEY EVERYBODY! WHO IS READY TO SEE AN OLD FASHIONED SHOOT OUT?!"

"NO ONE!" Everyone shouts.

"PFT. TOUGH CROUD. TARGETS!" He summons three nobodies that look like targets. Xigbar pulls out his guns and starts shooting rapidly at the dusks missing every single bullet. Shells flying everywhere. Even Lexaeus got hit with one, and he was sitting all the way in the back. "HEHE. GOT EM!" Xigbar said as he walked off the stage. I couldn't have facepalmed any harder at a performance than I did that one. Guess I'll just have to wait and see if that will remain true…


	4. Chapter 4:PeePee Problems

Chapter Four: Peepee Problems

Later, 2:46. Dear Diary,

I have NO clue what I'm gonna do! I've been thinking throughout all of the acts, but I have nothing and Saix is up NOW. I'm so screwed. "Hi everyone. I am number VII, and my name is Saix. Today I will be performing for you. I will demonstrate the dance of a thousand moons." Saix began jumping around the stage like a chicken getting more aggressive after each peck and cluck he did. He then entered berserk mode and went fucking monkey nuts. He trashed the room, bitch slapped Xaldin, and destroyed half the stage.

"Take that world!" Saix uttered as he huffed and puffed from a severe shortness of breath. I'm up now.

"Okay" I mutter reassuringly under my breath. _I got this. I… have…got this. _"Um, hi everyone. I'm Axel. I'm number VIII, and today I will blow your minds with a stunning magic trick." It was then that I got the idea. Marluxia was blabbing the whole show, and I thought now was my chance. "I need a volunteer. Hmmm" I say as I search the crowd.

"ME ME ME!" Demyx yelled.

"How about you! Pinkie!" I said, pointing to Marluxia.

"Umm, no thanks" Marluxia snapped.

"MEEE. PICK MEEE!" Demyx screamed.

"Hmmmm, I dunno. You seem like a pretty capable assistant" I said.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Demyx death growled.

"NO DEMYX. MARLUXIA GET YOUR ASS UP HERE NOW!" I holler.

"Heavens to Betsy, Christ almighty FUCK, I'm coming" Marluxia whined in a flamboyant tone.

"Thank you. Now, watch in amazement as I make him… DISAPPEAR!" Everyone gasps. I open up a corridor of darkness and push his ass into it. I close it. "TADA!" I say aloud. The room was silent. Not a word was said.

"…" "FINALLY!"

"I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER GET RID OF HIM" people shouted from the crowd. Everyone laughed and smiled. Thank god I'm safe. Demyx went up right after me. He did really good and performed his solos well. The rest was boring. It's finally over.

Later, 3:37. Dear Diary,

I am about to head out to the Subway SuperSandwich store with Roxas and Larxene. If you're wondering why Larxene is coming it's because ever since she gave Roxas that stupid lap dance she's been wanting to hang around us. She's just… freaky. Anywhore, I'll write in my diary when I get there.

Subway, 4:16. Dear Diary,

We've arrived and I've learned that Larxene really isn't that bad. She cool, she cool. Roxas decided to get two mustard and pickle sandwiches… toasted. Ew. Larxene went for a footlong full of meat. Not surprising. And I got buffalo chicken with lettuce, hot sauce, and a bag of Flamin' hot Cheetos on the side. Oh, and at this mega Subway, they have GIGANTIC drinks, so I got a Super Large Deluxe Mega Nega Gulp. It's about the size of Roxas' head, including his hair.

"Are you really gonna drink all of that!?" Roxas asked.

"OF COURSE dude. Why else would I buy it? I paid good money for this damn drink and I'm gonna drink it" I replied.

Later, 4:28. Dear Diary,

We all finished our sandwiches, and somehow Roxas managed to get that garbage down, and now we're gonna go shopping. Good thing I get to take my drink with me.

Even Later, 4:57. Dear Diary,

UUUGGGHH. Larxene dragged us into some really freakin' girly store called: Forever 22 and Vicky's Secret or some bullshit like that. "Roxas! Snap out of it. It's just a bra store" I say to the awe inspired blonde.

"Shut up" he replied back. I just finished my huge drink in the last store, so now I kinda gotta go number one.

"Umm guys" I said as I made them inch towards the bathroom. "I kinda gotta- whoa!" I say as we get pushed over by a maintenance man.

"Store's closed" He said to us. All of the lights in the mall went out including the ones in the store. All the other girls were locked in with us. DAMMIT.

"Well… I have to go number one… and the bathrooms have electronic doors, sinks and toilets that are all off" I say frantically. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PEE!?" I shout.

"It's fine. Just take one of those hats over there and go in the corner" Larxene said.

"NO! I am NOT peeing in front of a bunch of girls" I said.

"Well you're gonna have to pee sometime" she replied. "Or you can pee in your pants in front of ALL of us."

"Larxene. Don't make it worse for him… even though it's kinda funny" Roxas added.

"Shut up Roxas" I mumble. What am I gonna do? THAT'S IT! I got it. "Roxas, didn't Xemnas give you one of those emergency safe phones that only calls home and the police?"

"Yeah…"

"USE IT TO CALL HOME AND TELL THEM TO BUST US OUT SO I CAN PISS"

"Okay…" Roxas said, sounding worried.

"Or you can pee in the hat Like I had suggested" Larxene said.

"NO. 'Cause if I do then everyone's gonna hear the sound of it" I say embarrassed.

"Hey, I called the castle and Xemnas said he'd be here soon" Roxas exclaimed.

"GOOOD." I sighed with relief when I heard that.

"I AM HERE!" Xemnas shouted as he busted through the store gates with a van. "Hop in everyone." We all climbed in the van and ran over a few white girls on our way out. All in all this day was awesome. I got to spend the day with my best friend, and a new friend I never thought could be this much fun. I got to pee in my OWN bathroom, and everything turned out okay. Except for the fact that my pee was blue… might wanna have that checked out.


End file.
